Blog #3

There are too many times that I feel helpless, worthless, and insignificant. At times the feelings are even much darker then those. My depression sometimes forces me to have wretched thoughts. The thoughts and feelings that consume my being are those of the most evil sort. When the depression is at it's worst my thoughts are basically nonexistant, it takes my entire being just to get through the day and accomplish the most menial tasks, the sort that one usuaslly completes without even thinking. On many occasions I have found myself contemplating suicide. Being miserable is so completely exhausting. In my conscience mind I know that these feelings and thoughts are only temporary, so I try to hide it and carry on as if everything is ok. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My depressive disorder is no secret in my life, mostly everybody who knows me on a personal knows about it.When I was a young boy,  my depressive tendencies were recognized and I started seeing a psychiatrist in the first grade. Now I am thiry-one and have seen many professionals through the years. As much as I wish I could get help from those that I am close to, I can't. It is my plight and mine alone. To be honest I am about to enter the fourth month of my current depression!